Dreamin' of Jamaica

I feel really selfish. I'm going to put that out there. Because I'm aware of how selfish this is going to sound.

I'm dreamin' of Jamaica. Both the night kind and the day kind. Jamaica is where Jake and I went for our luxury honeymoon at an all-inclusive resort. We splurged. We were treated like royalty. We had no worries or cares in the world outside of what the weather was going to be like (sunny and warm) and treating our sunburns (so worth it). We ate a lot, drank a lot, slept a lot (even in a hammock), and spent time together, just the two of us.

I'm sure you can probably guess where this is going. I'm not just dreaming about being in Jamaica, but everything that our time there stood for. I'm starting to have anxiety over wanting to retain this idyllic life as I know it's slipping further and further away with each passing day towards the arrival of Baby Melbs. I know that having children will bring about rewards (and challenges) far surpassing anything I can possibly imagine right now, but there's this part of me that wonders, "What are we giving up in the process? Will these rewards be enough to compensate for those losses? Is part of parenthood this inevitable turning point in life where one must give up in order to gain, or is it possible to have one's cake and eat it, too?" We keep saying how we can still go back to Jamaica, but it won't be the same. Nothing's really going to be the same once Baby Melbs arrives. And maybe that's okay...but i'ts a scary prospect nonetheless. It's not that I don't do well with change, but...I kind of don't. Especially if it's big. Like this.

26 weeks...whoa. It's hard for me to imagine my belly getting bigger.

And this.

And this.

Another one of Jake's artistic shots. And yes--I am sticking my tongue out at him :-)

And so there you have it. But because I'm the perpetual optimist, I know we'll get through it. I know we'll adjust. I know that I'll deal with this change just like every other I've dealt with, taking what I can from the experience and learning along the way.

But Jamaica sure is nice. And with that, I'm going to go snuggle with my husband some more :-)